Wouldn't it be great if your kids came home to find a witch (kinda looks like Mom... naw...) in their kitchen making this pot of chili on All Hallows Eve? I haven't tried this recipe yet, but that's the plan at my house!
(You may find some of these ingredients hard to come by. Even the best-supplied kitchens occasionally run short of hawk toenails. And grubs and maggots are at times out of season. We've thought of some substitutions that may yield acceptable results. They're in parentheses.)
Spooky Halloween Chili
1/4 pound ground goblin gizzards (ground beef, 15% fat)
1 medium eye of Cyclops (onion)
1 15-ounce can soft-shelled beetles, drained--beetle juice is to be avoided (kidney beans)
1 28-ounce can blood of bat (V-8 juice)
1/8 teaspoon pureed wasp (prepared mustard)
1/4 teaspoon common dried weed (oregano)
1 dash Red-tailed hawk toenails (crushed red pepper)
2 teaspoons ground sumac blossom (chili powder)
1 teaspoon hemlock (honey or sugar)
1/2 cup fresh grubs (sliced celery)
1 Tablespoon eye of newt (pearl barley)
1 Tablespoon dried maggots (uncooked rice)
water from a stagnant pond, as needed (tap water)
Best made during the last phase of the moon--if that is not possible, just do the best you can in a softly lighted kitchen after dark.
Brown the gizzards in an iron cauldron over a fire made from the siding off a haunted house. Add chopped eye of Cyclops and simmer until the pieces of eye become translucent. Add blood of bat and soft-shelled beetles; bring to a slow bubbling boil. At this time, add the common weed, maggots, toenails, sumac, grubs, hemlock, eye of newt, and pureed wasp.
As it cooks, you may want to adjust the consistency with the pond water. You can tell it is done when the eye of newt swells and the vertical, tan-colored "cat's eye" appears on one side.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
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